So here I am again. why is this happening to me once again? I am tried of this life. I am tired of doing these stupid mistakes. I need to a turn around. I am done. I believe I subconsciously act out when he “rejects” me. Seems whenever I have decided to act out on my emotions is to try to hurt him, but he doesn’t know. So I hurt myself. What I would do to be in your arms. What I would do for you to say “hi, I am sorry.” What I would do to be with you.
Being so far away from home comes with a lot difficulties. I miss my friends but I deeply do miss my family. Especially my little cousins who I grew up with as my own siblings. I see them grown up in a world that demands girls to show more and care less. Where boys do not need to respect anyone, because as they are shown they own everything that walks. I sit here, in anguish, I NEED to protect them. They need not to be exposed to this deadly place we call earth, our home. I want to be there for them. To hold their hands through it all. I want to hold theirs cause there was no one to hold mine.
But since I can’t hold either hands, and I can’t protect them. I only can call unto my Father in heaven. As he is my rock and my foundation, my shepherd. Therefore whom shall I fear. I leave it all to him. He shall hold and protect them.
So, okay. Lets be real here. Who am I really trying to kid? You? My friends? My family? OR just Myself? I really don’t know. But I do know he is still the only one I think about.. And its driving me crazy.. He says he’s not good for me, but what does he know? Why won’t he let me into his world? Why won’t he let me have him? At least then we can say we tried, but it was not meant to be. We will move on. No regrets.